Fight against AIDS my journey and yours!

Dec 1st the world aids day. This year was no different from the year before and the year before. Still no sight of any vaccine to prevent the disease or any cure. The slogan being Prevention is better than cure for next year or few years. The struggle goes on. Let us be honest and say what did we do different on this day to make a difference in the community? Did we take a stand? Are we going to do something about it? Talk about it? get tested? support the fight? get educated and equip ourselves with more information?

This is not a Gay disease or straight disease. Its a human tragedy. 40 million people currently living with the virus across the globe. Mostly in developing nations. Mothers, fathers, children, Young men, Young girls, parents, brothers, sisters, partners, husbands, wifes, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends, grand parents, colleagues, class mates the list goes on and on. They are somebody and it matters to us all. The whole new generation not knowing that they carry this virus, not seeking treatment and live a dangerous life. But when they find out, it may be too late for many. We cant develop a blind eye and be selfish, indifferent and do nothing. Its every ones fight and we have to fight this. What happens in China or India or South Africa will affect you tomorrow. It may not affect you today, but definitely it will soon.

If the world show concern for this epidemic compared to the efforts of people during holiday shopping season, we will go a long way. Compared to indifference of Churches, Synagogues, Mosques and Mandirs , imagine if they change their stand part of this fight, how much we can progress in this never ending fight? As a united force, we can achive great things. History teaches this time and again.

This fight is very personal to me. It started with finding our that one of my friend was living with AIDS when he got hospitalized suddenly. I cried all night, because of fear, compassion, not knowing anything about the disease and thought I could be me one day. This is a fear I am living with since I came out. Fortunately my ex BF was a registered nurse and he was on phone with me for hours that night and calmed me down. He gave me strength and wisdom to go seek the education I needed to equip myself and get rid of all the misconceptions I had. I was naive enough to think that I could get HIV by sharing my personal space with someone, hugging, hand shaking or kissing someone. How naive I was? How missinformed I was. This was few years ago, when I just got out of my closet and started exploring the gay world.

There is my friend, a dear friend who lost his partner to this deadly disease. Unfortunately he passed away even before I becomes friends with this friend. His pictures, belongings still around my friends place, but his memories lingers on. A few others who lead a healthy life, some who disappeared from this planet quiety and joined the angels. I didn't know them very well, but they simply disappeared from the private safe spaces which I was part off. Kept me wondering how many in the future? That makes their presence today even dearer.

I remember a close call last year, when one of my "dates" called me late in an evening and broke the news that he had tested positive. I didnt know what to say, I become numb and I couldnt respond. Somehow my life flashed before me. I haven't been with him for over a year, I know that the chances of me contracting the virus was next to impossible. I am always safe and I get tested every 6 months. Yet somehow I panicked and spend a sleepless night after pacifying him. Unknown fear, irrational thoughts took over me all night. Twisting and turning in the bed didnt work. At work the next day I was like a walking zombie, couldnt concentrate on work, meetings, I was lost in my own world. Luckily I had a blood test scheduled that day. I went for a blood test at the free clinic operated by Fenway health clinic in Boston. The test came out neg to my relief. But the irrational thoughts, the stress, the shear pain of going thru this, is huge. You have to go thru this to understand the feeling.

I don't want to spend my life going thru this constant fear. I know deep down I want to be in a monogamous, trustful relationship. But let us face it, I haven't dated anyone since I broke up with my ex partner more than 3 years ago. What are the odds of me finding the real one? What is wrong with the community in general? Being a minority within the community raises so many questions, issues and problems. Am I being racially profiled or exotified or am I just an eye sore for many or just too sensitive? Do I have to go to the gym 7 days a week to keep me in better shape to attract some shallow guy to date? Are the gay relationships based on Physical attributes only?. Sex is always good, but there is a whole world beyond satisfying your bodily urge. Deep down I am a person and I want to be happy and I want to see my friends and community happy. Most of us complain about this and lead less than perfect lives. But yet we don't know what to do about this? Do we? I have no answer. Perhaps we will find an answer soon enough to change our lives!.

I talk about this epidemic wherever and whenver I get a chance. I don't shy away talking about this. I am very mindful for the people who live with the virus. I do the AIDS walk (Annual AIDS walk organized by Aids Action Committee http://www.aac.org ) every year in Boston. On top of it, someone spread a rumor that I am positive and that why I am very passionate about fighting this disease. When I heard this, it hurt me so bad. Why would people be so mean and back stab someone like this? Even if I am positive what is their business anyway? When did someone's health becomes an issue among our peers? But does that make me be less effective in the fight? Does that make me think twice doing something related to this disease? Hell no.. I will never let someone drag me down, I will go ahead and march for the fight I believe in. I will drag my friends and family along in that fight. I will do whatever I can and try to make a difference.

This is the fight we will win eventually. It may take years and decades, but we cannot slowdown. We have to fight with full intensity and surge ahead. Damn with government policies, red tapes, bigotry, stupidty and religious beliefs. We the people are more powerful than them and all of our efforts add up to more than what we contribute as individuals.

Let us make a difference. I will try my best and I hope you will.