The rainbow

The colors of myself
Glows as a rainbow
Satrangi they call
The essense of my existance
The essense of my soul

I Glow in the shadows
I Glow in the nights
No one ever sees
No one ever feels
Its a utter dark secret

I am like a pearl
Tucked away neatly
In many dark corners
In the depths of secrets
Pushed away deeply
Tucked away safely

Here is my first chance
To step out in the sun
To bask in the glory
I am finally myself
I am true to myself

- Sarav July 14 2008

Shy goodbye?

A cold spring dawn
Confused birds
Chirping away
Leaves rustling
On the distant tree
To calm those birds
Like a caring mom

A cold gentle breeze
Dancing on its way
To the eternity
No one knows

I lie there
In that madness
Next to you
Warm and cozy
Just you and me
Nothing in between

It is like yesterday
We hugged and said goodbyes
To write our chapters
In the annals of life
On our own
In different directions
On different paths
In different dimensions
On different quests

Yet you came back
Without a notice
Like a gentle breeze
On a warm sunny day

You kiss with passion
You hug with love
My bones crackle
My muscles ache
You hug me so tight
I can barely breathe
You hold me so close
To charge our souls

You share your dreams
You share your travels
I was not part of it

You share your passion
You share your desires
Far from me
On a desolate land
I can only imagine
I can only dream

You lie next to me
Warming my soul
At this very moment
When half the world is sleeping
Yet you will disappear
Without a notice
Like no tomorrow
Like there is no future
With a short shy goodbye
With a warm gentle kiss

You may come back
With the same warmth
With the same passion
With the same love
I will never know
I can only guess

I will try to remember
The warmth of your soul
The closeness of our hearts
The sound of our beats
This very moment in our lives
To recall and remember
On a cold spring day
When I stare at the roof
To kill my silence
To kill my loneliness
To sooth my pains

Endless..

The Endless gaze
Day and night
In search of something
Has no soul
Has no shape
With no purpose
With no meaning
Peer into the
hearts and souls
Felt so empty
Feel no warmth
It doesnt end there
The Endless gaze
A bottomless pit
Far and wide

Glimmer of hope
Once in a while
Yet you forget
Where to look
The Endless gaze
Day and Night
In search of something
Has no soul
Has no shape

Goodbye Jena

Never knew
you existed
Never Listened
Your joyful laughter

Never felt
Warmth of your soul
Never Knew
You were loved

Never Knew
You were in love
Never Knew
Your heart was broken

Great pain ensued
Tortured you day and night
You lost love
You lost hope

You forgot
How to laugh
You forgot
How to live

You forgot
All your loved ones
You forgot
You existed

Like Romeo and Juliet
Like Laila and Majnu
Those thousands of
Tourtered Lover souls

Did you embrace
Death with smile
Did you embrace
Death with tears

Did you think
Death was the answer?
Did you think
Any way out?

Thousand questions
Haunt my mind
I feel the pain
As if its all mine

Goodbye Dear Jena
Goodbye forever
Hope your soul
Will rest in peace
- Sarav

I am alive again!

I am alive
I am alive again
your touch
your stare
your smile
your smell
your warmth
woke me from
Eternal sleep
I am alive
I am alive again
touch me
hold me
love me
taste me
never let go
I am alive
I am alive again

Platform singer

I walk down the stairs
Off the street of sommerville
On to the platform
To catch the train
To bring me home
I hear a booming voice
singing along a soothing guitar
Standing alone and playing along
in a corner with his eyes closed
Not knowing whats around
Not knowing who is around
I sat on a bench and closed my eyes
To soak the music
Songs of war and peace, love and hate, hope and despair
Filled my soul deep to the core
warmth of the voice soothed my stress
I left the place with his fading voice
Took some peace, love and hope
To cleanse myself of hate and depair

Break the surface!

Break the surface
gasp for air
Burden on my shoulders
drags me down
Deep down
Dark and cold
Filled with filth
filled with dirt
no light
penetrate this deep
no sound
penetrate this deep
no warmth
touch my soul
creatures lurking
in the dark
Creatures touching
me everywhere
Days go by
months go by
weights add up
suffocate my core
try to breath
need of air
muster my strength
from the core
break the surface
take a breath
see the light
of the world
in that moment
and sink back
to the deep

My skin color matters!

Constant gaze
Piercing stare
You Turn your head
Whisper hate words
Hold me in contempt
Think you are better
You say
My skin is light
Think you are better
In your small mind
Treat me like dirt
Like shit on your shoes
Smile in pretence
When in need
Talk in pretence
When in need
Your heart is cold
Your soul is cold
I give a damn
For your hate
I give a damn
For your fate
I walk away
With my head
Held so high
Like a lotus
Floating in the pond
My heart is light
filled with love
filled with peace
Still there is
A place for you
In my heart
Quit the hate
see the truth
see the light

White picket fence

The perfect dream
A house in the suburbs
By the lake
Big white house
Victorian perhaps
High perfect ceilings
Nice little garden
Filled with life
Nice little pond
Filled with fish
Large space to live
With my honey
Little me
Little him
Lots of crying
Lots of tantrums
Noicy as it gets
But its divine
Movie nights
Tons of popcorn
Tons of candy
Families and Friends visiting
From far and near
One big family
One loving family
We do fight
We do feud
End with a kiss
End with a hug
Forgiving family
close to heaven
The perfect dream
In a perfect house
with white picket fence
With my love
A love filled house
A fun filled house
Gaurding my dream
White picket fence

Lovers on Province-town streets

The skies are blue
The gentle breeze
The endless parade
Of man and beast
I dont know
where are you from
I dont know
who you are
I dont know
your name
I dont know
what you do
You walk on the streets
Hand in hand
You stand on the street
holding hands
Smiling, happy and warm
Free at last
From the bonds
From the hatred
From the never understanding
Small world bonds
It all matters
Who you love
It doesnt matter
How you love
It all matters
That you love
Walk on the streets
Hand in Hand
Dont be shy
To give a kiss
Dont be shy
To give a hug
Dont be shy
To show your love
Its your home
away from home
One and only
Province town
The skies are blue
The gentle breeze
The endless parade
Of man and beast
One and only
Province town

Death came knocking

Death came to my door
once again
Knocking on the door
Loud and clear
Like a twister funnel
touching the ground
sucked my soul
from my veins
grief and despair
filled the air
tears started rolling
down the cheeks
Peering thru my memories
Searching for the near and dear
Longing for their touch and sound
Longing for their breathing sound
My heart is heavy as a rock
My body is bloated like a block
Oh my god I pray to thee
Give me strength to face this gloom

Is that you?

Is that you?
I wonder
Everytime I see a face
In the crowd
On the streets
In a bus
In a train
On a plane
The sweetest face
With a sweetest smile
Those quivering lips
Makes me yearn
For the endless kiss
The smiling eyes
Piercing into my soul
The sweetest face
I have seen
Only in my dreams

I close my eyes
When people speak
To find your voice
Among the crowd
I close my eyes
To hear to breathe
I close my eyes
To fell your soul

I wakeup everyday
with a cheerful heart
Full of love
Full of life
I can still
feel your touch
feel your breath
I can still
Hear you laugh
Hear you whisper
In my ears
I can still
Hear your heart beat
As if I am lying on your chest
When I try to remember
Your sweetest face
It vanishes
among the clouds
Like night
When its day
Like day
when its night
It vanishes
In a crowd
Like a perfect stranger
As you are

When I close my eyes
You are there
Waiting for me
with an open arms
with the sweetest smile
On the cheerful face
To warm my heart
To warm my soul

Yet I cant remember
Your sweetest face
It vanishes
among the clouds
Like a perfect stranger
As you are

Is that you?
I wonder
Everytime I see a face
In the crowd
On the streets
In a bus
In a train
On a plane
The sweetest face
With a sweetest smile
Those quivering lips
Makes me yearn
For the endless kiss
The smiling eyes
Piercing into my soul
The sweetest face
I have seen
Only in my dreams

Rainbow gateway to heaven!

I see the rainbow
The Gateway to heaven
Its as beautiful as it was
As the day you walked away
The day is so beautiful
The sun is still shining
The gentle breeze caressing
The songs of the birds
The laughter of the children
The smell of spring flowers
As the day you walked away
It feels the same

I stand by the river
That runs in our backyard
Flowing like nothing happened
Flowing like nothing changed
Tries to wash away all the memories
Tries to wash away all the pains
Like it has done
since it was born

On that sunny spring day
I saw you walking
Into the rainbow
And disappear among the rainbow
No good byes
No smiles
No tears
No hugs
No lookbacks
You walked in haste
To feel the heaven
You walked in haste
To leave all the pain
I saw you disappear
Among that wonderful rainbow
No more shadows
No more reflections
Just few memories

I let you go
I let you walk
I let you run
I let you fly
I set you free
I thought its heaven
You thought its heaven
On the other side
Far away from where we were
Just beyond the rainbow

The words I said
The words you said
The words we spoke
The words we didn't speak
The world we lived
The world we breathed
You said it was hell
You want to go back to your shell

I let you go
I let you walk
I let you run
I let you fly
I set you free
You walked into the rainbow
No good byes
No smiles
No tears
No hugs
No lookbacks
No shadows
No reflections
Just old memories

My little angel!

My Little angel
Sweetest smile
Sweetest voice
Sweetest touch
Sweetest Soul
She warms my heart
She warms my soul

My little angel
Came flying
From the sky
As a little diamond
Emerged among
The peaceful clouds

A boon from god
This sweetest soul
Is an answer
For an endless wait
To touch my soul
To heal my soul
Is an answer
For my restless soul

She can talk
A thousand words
She can smile
A thousand smiles
She can sing
A thousand songs
She can ask
A thousand questions

The tender soul
Full of hope
The tender soul
Full of joy

My little angel
My precious angel
Gives me hope
Gives me joy
Gives me peace
Gives me strength

A new day!

A new day

A new morning
My senses are alive
Yet eyes refuses to open
A new day
New possibilities
New beginnings
few endings
Lots of drama
what else is new
Another cold winter day
But the sun is shining
Can see it thru the crack of my eyes
The blinds are still open
I can hear the clock click
The usual endless click
Like your heart
The distant humming of the heater
The breezy warm air caressing my body
The Comfort of the warm sheets
As if they are born to cover my body
Somewhere in my pad
Coffee brewing
Makes my mouth water
for that fresh hot brew
Of wonderful fluid
Nothing in this world
At this moment
For few moments
Bigger than a cup of Joe

A new day
New possibilities
New beginnings
few endings
I am ready for the drama
Will watch it from outside
amuse myself
Life is a drama
Have to enjoy the drama

Search will begin
The endless search
For nothing in particular
Lost souls perhaps
Lost thoughts perhaps
Lost lovers perhaps
Or just a pretence
Life is a drama
Its the morning
My senses fully alive
A new day
New possibilities
New beginnings..

Who are you?

They say
I am half of you
They say
I look like you
They say
I talk like you
They say
I walk like you
They say
I do things like you
They say
A thousand things
That
I remind you forever

Yet, Who were you?
A warm loving father?
A sperm donor?
A soul lost is his own world?
A demon trapped in human form?
A hurting ball of fire?

I don't remember
Your loving touch
But I do remember
Those slaps
Those beatings
I don't remember
Those loving words
I do remember
Those hurtful words

Yet...
They say
I am half of you
They say
I look like you
They say
I do things like you

I try to remember
Your face
Its so fuzzy
Like a distant star

I try to remember
Your loving touch
Only pain shoots thru my spine
I try to remember
Your soulful voice
Only I hear noise in my brain

Wish I can turn back time
Walk back with you
hand in hand
Change things all those thing
from our past
When I try to remember
Your loving face
I want to see a smiling face
When I try to remember
Your soulful voice
I want to hear a beautiful song
When I try to remember
Your loving touch
I want to feel warm and safe

Wherever you are
In your own world
Lost in your own world
Just think of me
As I think of you
In the next birth
If there is a next birth
You and me
Just You and me
Like a true father
Like a true son
Will live in harmony

Who am I

Who am I?
Where did I come from?
Some say my moms womb
Some say I am a soul
from a distant land
Residing in this earthly body
Who am I?
Some call me by my name
Some call me by my nickname
I hear their callings
I turn my head without failing
Does this all defines me?
Who am I for real?
The bones?
or The perfectly tanned brown skin
or The flesh
or The gym toned body
or The stubourn fat in my belly
or The strong legs
or The booming voice I am blessed with
or The joyful laughter I am blessed with
or Is The soul within?
The invisible souce of my existance
Thats the energy with a definite boundary
The unseen energy that drives me crazy
The unseen energy keeps me alive
The unseen energy keeps me warm
The unseen energy keeps me standing
Who am I?
Do I have a name?
Do I have a nick name?
Do I have an Indentity?
What was I called before?
Where was I residing before?
Mysteriously appearing in my moms womb!
What was I called before?
What is my real name?
Do I even have a name?
Am I just a blob of energy?
So divine and beautiful
So peaceful and Loving
But wait..
Where did this hate and bigotry came from?
Where did this pretence and ego came from?
Where did this attachment and anger came from?
Where did this annoying lust came from?
No one knows?
I dont know either..
Is this me?
Or am I different?
No one knows..
If you know
Be so kind and gentle
To Let me know..
To quench my thrist of knowledge
That rocks my core existance

Marriage is not a solution!

Please stop
Please stop
Think twice before you decide
Think thrice before you decide
Dont spoil someones life
Dont spoil your own life

Its your life isnt it?
Its your own life isnt it?
Its someoneelses life isnt it?
Its someoneelses life isnt it?

Its a crime
Its a heinous crime
Its a hateful crime
Its a horrible senseless crime

Do you want to be part of it
Or do you want to part withit
Its your choice
You can make it as your choice

Marriages are made in heaven
Thats a very good excuse
Do you believe in heaven
Dont make that as an excuse

Why do you blame your family
Why do you blame your parents
Why do you blame your society
Why do you blame yourself

Please Stop
Please Stop
Someone's life is in peril
You can stop that nasty peril
Only you can stop
Only you can stop!

I am who I am
You are who you are
Stop pretending
Who you are not
Start pretending
who you are

Does someones life comes so cheap?
None of our lifes comes so cheap!
Marriage is not a solution
Its never a good solution

Please stop
Please stop

Inner struggle

Whats your name
Tim, Tom, Trent?
Hey Tim
Do you mind leaving soon
I have to go to work
No I dont need your no
No I dont need your address
No I dont see you no more
Hey Tom, Can you clean the mess
The day is bright
I may go for a walk
No you cant join me in the walk
I have to go
The day is so bright
I need some coffee
No Trent, You cant join me for coffee
I have to clense myself
I have to get some sense
I have an hangover
need some pills
No I dont need your pills
Whats your name again?
Its Tim isnt it?
No I am sorry, Its Tom
Thats what you told me last night
Its Trent?
Oh You are trevor
and you thought I am Mixed?
Nope I am Indian from India
Nope I am cut
and I am Indian from India
Do you mind leaving soon?
I have to clense myself
I have to get some sense
I have an hangover
need some pills
You have to leave now
I need some coffee
I need a walk
I need to cry
I am not depressed
I am not angry
I am so confused
My heart is so empty
My mind is so blank
Can you please leave now
I dont want to see you again
I dont want your phone number
I dont want to see you anymore
Please can you leave now
I need to clense myself
I need to clense my soul
The day is bright
I have to go for a walk
Good bye Abe

Breakup

I hear rain drops falling
the distant chirp of a lonely bird
The crackling noise of my heater
Its all calm and quiet

I stare at the empty ceiling
So blank, so white
Not even dust layers
Not even cob webs
So blank and so plain
Like my mind and my life

The room is empty
None to talk to
I feel the cold
I feel the empty bed
I feel the empty house
I feel my empty heart

I simply wonder
what are you doing now
Feeling the same emptiness?
Feeling the same loneliness?
Or Feeling the warmth of a new lover?
Or sleeping like a child
Not aware of my pains?

Where is the love?
Where is the affection?
We once promised
We once proclaimed
We will live together forever!
We will love forever!
We will grow old together!
We will do thing together!
We will be one soul!

Are these words were written on water?
All dissapeard in no time
There are no trace of these words
There are no trace of anything
Except the pain and suffering
It surfaces now and then
I try to wash it very clean
Not sure how to make it real clean

Were you a mere dream?
Were you a mirage?
A good one turn bad?
A sweet drink turn sour?

You left me in a haste
Yet there is no trace

My heart is in dispair
My soul is in pain
Days have gone by
Months have gone by
few years have gone by
My heart is still bleeding
and my soul is still weeping

Few Men came to quench
Their bodily thrist
Left me even empty
Left me even hollow
I hated their touches
I hated their kisses
I hated them being there
Yet I did not stop
I always wonder why?

Is there a meaning for life?
Is there a meaning for love?
Are they mere words?
We believe some oneday
Forget the other day?
Is life is so simple?
or do we take for simple?

I look outside the window
Its dark cloudy
Rain drops are falling
Hope the sky is not falling
Hope this day will be the one
Hope my heart wont bleed
Hope my soul wont weep
Hope my heart will heal
Hope my soul wont weep