Its hard to be a vegetarian

It was a fabulous Saturday. The day started off early, it’s not a usual beginning of a weekend, I have to leave home before 10AM for my dance class in Wayland, MA. It’s always fun to practice before the 1 1/2 or 2 hours class. Particularly yesterday was a very intense class, but it was fun. The leg pains later made me feel that the class was worth it.

Dear friend Kishor planned and coordinated a movie outing (Before the rains) one of the rare crossover Indian English movie @ Kendal square cinemas. The movie was a nice one and after the movie we planned for dinner. We hanged out at a local coffee shop before heading out for dinner as we all thought it was too early for dinner. Yes 6:30 is too early for Desi's for dinner. :)

We thought about Emma's pizza, but somehow we decided to go to Legal sea food in Kendal square. The moment it was mentioned I had some doubts about the menu. Since it specializes in Sea food, I wasn’t sure about the vegetarian option. I am sick and tired of going to fine restaurants and eat a salad or appetizer or just one entree on the menu. It’s particularly hard when everyone gobbles up some wonderful soups, appetizers and entrees and I had to be content with lettuce, spinach and dressing. Sometimes I am fortunately to get pasta and Italian vegetables.

It’s nothing wrong with going out with friends, but when you feel you are not going to have many options or going to eat the same thing for the 100th time, you are not excited. Leave alone the cost of the dining experience, the tension and stress of not finding a decent food is not right. Especially when you end up coming home and invade your fridge or pantry for food is not funny. At the end of the day, your wallet is very light, your stomach is mostly empty and you are not happy about the dining out experience.

I always have 3 options.
1. Don’t go out and avoid any restaurant situation
2. Go out with friends who are sensitive to your problem
3. Friends who are not bothered by my dietary restriction.

It’s not nice of me to impose my dietary restrictions on someone else, why do I have to curtail someone’s eating out experience? After all everyone like to go and dine in a nice restaurant and fulfill your palette, mind and stomach?

Anyway, we ended up in Legal sea foods at 7pm. It was crowded and people were hanging out everywhere waiting to be seated. We approached the host and asked for seating for 4. At that time I asked them to look at the menu and inquired whether they have any vegetarian option. One of the host or Manager guy said they have plenty of Vegetarian options and all of them are good. He went on to say that don’t worry about it and you will be taken care off. It gave some hope and the problem of finding decent vegetarian food lessened in my mind.

After waiting for 15/20 minutes we were seated and were provided with the menu. To my horror, only vegetarian option was a Thai dish with tofu and nothing more. Its painful to scroll thru the menu to find some vegetarian dish and there was none. I asked the waitress about this and she said that is the only option they have and they have none.

I was so pissed and angry at that point. We ordered our beverages and I didn’t feel like I am going to take this and sitting there and pretend that nothing happened. After all it’s my dining experiences also counts and I don’t have to sacrifice again with my friends around. I have done it many times and I have decided not to do it often. I was preparing to go back to the host station and confront the guy for his misinformation, luckily the guy who lied to us, walked by to the next table. I told my friends that I am going to ask him about it pointedly; they were like "oh gosh, here goes another drama" and busily buried themselves in the menu and pretended to be busy. But I am sure they are all very curious to see and hear how it goes.

When he was going back to the host station, I interrupted him politely and inquired whether there is something wrong with the menu. And I asked him that I didn’t see anything else other than one Vegetarian dish. He got tensed and defensive; I could see that in his eyes and his body language. He went ahead and pointed me to the 5 salads and said that there is always the salad option. What a crap.. I told him a salad doesn’t make a meal or a entree and it’s not fine. I told him that he should have been more honest about the option when we inquired in the first place. That fucking bastard just shrugged his shoulders and walked away, making a gesture as if it’s not a big deal for him.
At that point, I didn’t have any other option but to walk out of the restaurant. I told my friends that I don’t want to eat there and I cannot feel comfortable eating there any longer. After that, that restaurant didn’t deserve my money and not a penny of my hard earned money.
They all walked out with me and it made me real proud. I am happy to be surrounded by some understanding and thoughtful friends. After all, you have to care about others as well. Otherwise you can’t be friends with anyone who doesn’t care about you; definitely I care about my friends and their needs. It’s part of life and that’s who I am and I won’t change.

Later we ended up in Cambridge brewery (Our first choice :)) and had a fabulous time. Ended up eating a Vegetarian Pizza and it was good. At the end of the evening, everyone had a great time and much better than dinning in "Legal sea foods".

I came home happy, content and I didn’t have to invade my fridge for an empty stomach. Till the next eating out disaster, I had enough for one day to last for few months.

Shy goodbye?

A cold spring dawn
Confused birds
Chirping away
Leaves rustling
On the distant tree
To calm those birds
Like a caring mom

A cold gentle breeze
Dancing on its way
To the eternity
No one knows

I lie there
In that madness
Next to you
Warm and cozy
Just you and me
Nothing in between

It is like yesterday
We hugged and said goodbyes
To write our chapters
In the annals of life
On our own
In different directions
On different paths
In different dimensions
On different quests

Yet you came back
Without a notice
Like a gentle breeze
On a warm sunny day

You kiss with passion
You hug with love
My bones crackle
My muscles ache
You hug me so tight
I can barely breathe
You hold me so close
To charge our souls

You share your dreams
You share your travels
I was not part of it

You share your passion
You share your desires
Far from me
On a desolate land
I can only imagine
I can only dream

You lie next to me
Warming my soul
At this very moment
When half the world is sleeping
Yet you will disappear
Without a notice
Like no tomorrow
Like there is no future
With a short shy goodbye
With a warm gentle kiss

You may come back
With the same warmth
With the same passion
With the same love
I will never know
I can only guess

I will try to remember
The warmth of your soul
The closeness of our hearts
The sound of our beats
This very moment in our lives
To recall and remember
On a cold spring day
When I stare at the roof
To kill my silence
To kill my loneliness
To sooth my pains

Endless..

The Endless gaze
Day and night
In search of something
Has no soul
Has no shape
With no purpose
With no meaning
Peer into the
hearts and souls
Felt so empty
Feel no warmth
It doesnt end there
The Endless gaze
A bottomless pit
Far and wide

Glimmer of hope
Once in a while
Yet you forget
Where to look
The Endless gaze
Day and Night
In search of something
Has no soul
Has no shape

Goodbye Jena

Never knew
you existed
Never Listened
Your joyful laughter

Never felt
Warmth of your soul
Never Knew
You were loved

Never Knew
You were in love
Never Knew
Your heart was broken

Great pain ensued
Tortured you day and night
You lost love
You lost hope

You forgot
How to laugh
You forgot
How to live

You forgot
All your loved ones
You forgot
You existed

Like Romeo and Juliet
Like Laila and Majnu
Those thousands of
Tourtered Lover souls

Did you embrace
Death with smile
Did you embrace
Death with tears

Did you think
Death was the answer?
Did you think
Any way out?

Thousand questions
Haunt my mind
I feel the pain
As if its all mine

Goodbye Dear Jena
Goodbye forever
Hope your soul
Will rest in peace
- Sarav

I am alive again!

I am alive
I am alive again
your touch
your stare
your smile
your smell
your warmth
woke me from
Eternal sleep
I am alive
I am alive again
touch me
hold me
love me
taste me
never let go
I am alive
I am alive again

Dance like a Man!

Dream, no one can stop you from dreaming. You are your own boss, you can dream whatever you want. Its cheap and very simple to dream. Its doesn't cost you a penny, however, power of dreaming is exceptional, very effective and makes you do things to achieve your dreams. They don't go away. Mahatma Gandhi had a dream look where it let India too? MLK had a dream look where it left African Americans in USA to? It leads you to success and eventually you can change history. These are some exceptional example of how we can utilize the power of dream, harness it to our advantage and moreover its free.

Growing up I had lots of dreams. Some are simple ones and some didn't come to for a long time. One of them is learning dancing, learning Bharatanatyam to be very precise. Bharatanatyam is one of the Indian classical dance forms. I was introduced to this when I was in First grade. Ever since my Music teacher checking out my classmates adavus, I was hooked. It happened often and I went home and performed my version, whatever way I remembered to my mom and sometimes, I was asked to perform before my neighbors. I loved doing it. I suppose a male child was not supposed to, I don't think I ever expressed my interest to my parents neither did I tell them nor did they see the potential in me. Many other dreams I pushed way deep into my mind and dared to dream about them. I thought I was being considerate towards to families financial situation. A modest upbringing will do that to you and realize and see lots of things when you are younger. You don't have to be an adult to see many things. perhaps I matured faster in that environment. Perhaps I lost my childhood to that environment? Perhaps I didn't fit in. Perhaps I was like that by nature. Perhaps its my destiny. Perhaps its natural to adapt to situations like that.

I grewup, went to college graduated, moved away from home to Calcutta and after few years to US. Years went by and again I was Introduced to Bharatanatyam by my dear friend Sudharshan. He is a very talented male dancer and exponent of this art. He is a self styled ambassador for arts and culture. His performances over the past few years fueled the fire within me. Deep down the dream I had as a little boy, was dormant. It awoke with this pleasant stimulation and it germinated into a plant. My desire to learn dance once again burnt like a wild fire within me. It grew bigger and bigger day by day.

This time around, I am independent and not a child anymore. I can seek whatever I wanted. I have the freedom and resources at my disposal. Not that I want to be a senator in the congress or senate. Just want to quench my thirst for arts. Appreciate the finer things my motherland offers. Coming from a rich culture like in India, music and dance plays a very important role in depicting the countries heterogeneous culture, the way of life, religions and the history. The influence of so many different great cultures that arrived in the subcontinent either via trade, missions or forcibly via wars are integrated over the centuries. Its a perfect amalgamation of so many languages, religions, cultures and needless to say, its has been a inspiration for many in different parts of the world.

The desire to learn and to dance was so great. In Spring of 2006, Cambridge Asian festival by River Charles was held. Sudharshan Belsare, Meena Subramanyam and Soumya Ramanathan danced representing the Indian subcontinent. The amazing recital of by the three got to me a point where I said, this is it. I better do something about this right now before its too late. I am not getting any younger. I was 32 at that time.

I talked to my friend Kishor and he expressed interest and also my friend Kannan with whom I went to the festival. He expressed interest as well. Being south Indians we appreciated the dance form more than our Northern counterpart. Because the songs were mostly in Tamil. And we relate to the beats and Tals and stories well. I am sure some of my North Indian brothers and sisters going wild on my comments. But honestly its my interpretation. Perhaps others may have a different perception about this whole South and North thing.

We three approached Sudharshan to find out anyone is giving lessons to 30+ adult men in Bharatanatyam. To our surprise, Meena Subramanyam's name came. We contacted her immediately. We were invited to a introduction class in Medway in the summer of 2006. We watched the class dance. Its not easy, but I loved it more than I did. I was dying to start my lessons.

The classes were over for the summer and the next semester starts only in the fall of 06. Unfortunately Kannan couldn't join us because of his travel for work. So Kishor and I have joined the class in Spring of 06 and we have since been learning the dance form from Meena and Soumya. Arai Mandi, Mulu Mandi, Adavu, Jathi, Talangu ThakaThiku Thakka Thanringinathom, Adami, Pathakam etc were added to our vocabulary. I am constantly analyzing songs that I hear for beats and think about choreograph those songs.

I am looking forward to the day when I will be finally able to perform a formal dance. It may take years, but I have a dream. Its very powerful and with my dance teachers help and my friend Kishor as a dancing partner and practice partner, I can achieve that milestone. My dream will be a reality soon.

Platform singer

I walk down the stairs
Off the street of sommerville
On to the platform
To catch the train
To bring me home
I hear a booming voice
singing along a soothing guitar
Standing alone and playing along
in a corner with his eyes closed
Not knowing whats around
Not knowing who is around
I sat on a bench and closed my eyes
To soak the music
Songs of war and peace, love and hate, hope and despair
Filled my soul deep to the core
warmth of the voice soothed my stress
I left the place with his fading voice
Took some peace, love and hope
To cleanse myself of hate and depair