Another busy holiday season arrived and will pass very soon. I am busy with buying gifts or fantasizing getting some hot gift for myself or my friends or my family. Or just having fun with window shopping or looking at all the catalogues and discount coupons sent my way. I cant deny the fact that Snow will be here very soon and I will be wearing layers of clothes to venture out or bitch about the high heating bill. Perhaps hug my friends to keep me warm when we are outside.. or stay closer to be warm and beat the cold. Its time of the year I like to spend a lot of time in coffee houses (No I didn't say bath houses) with friends, acquaintances and complete strangers. Its all part of life and drama that comes with it.
Perhaps another holiday season in which I add few pounds to my slim thin figure and constantly worry about how to loose them once the holiday season is over. Perhaps another holiday season in which I rakeup considerable CreditCard Debt and worry about paying them all at once, when the holiday season is over. I am not alone in this and I am sure many of you go thru this as well.
All these holidays don't have any religious significance to me. Growing up back in India, my family was very unorthodox, liberal and rebellious in many ways. (I was raised Hindu) My parents hardly went to temples and perhaps once or twice a year. We never performed pooja's at home regularly. Perhaps once or twice a year. Neither did my parent quoted religious scriptures to discipline us the rowdy kids nor did they notice me taking bible lesson thru post.
Thinking about my childhood, I was always the talkative, sensitive, troublemaker. Always trying to please others, I found out very early that I can sense other feelings easily (So don't pretend about anything, I can see thru you.) Arguing with my parents about things beyond my age, getting beaten by my father once a while and make my mom cry many times. Poor parents, they can take the shit only to a certain extent. I did good in school and excelled in debates and won some prices as well, I wish I had continued that. So we celebrated Diwali (Deepavali, Festival of lights), Pongal (Sankaranthi, harvest festival), Onam, Christmas, Eid, Ramzan etc. Our schools are out and I had neighbors from different religion and different states of India who spoke different languages. So its never religious for me, its all about having fun with friends, off from school and exchanging some wonderful sweets, cakes, and delicious food from our beloved neighbors.
I didn't grewup in a rich family, we lived from pay check to pay check like many others. Coffee with sugar in the beginning of the month and at the end sometimes we endup with Black coffee and brown sugar. Whatever we could offer. My mom served us with pride and never let us go hungry (Bless you mom), so we learnt to appreciate all the good things in life and appreciated all good things and good people. Its not the gifts it counted, it was all about people, love and company.
But when I started earning, I was far away from my hometown Coimbatore, working near Calcutta aka Kolkata. So it was a sudden transition, I can make some good money, but I am far from family. I cant make the trek of 3 days on train to go all the down south to meet the family often, so it was all about friends. I learnt to make few good friends and we are all like family. We as bachelors were invited for dinners, lunches and gatherings. Living in hostel's we didn't have access to cook in a kitchen. We relied on cafeteria food, so it was a delight to taste some home cooked food. I am so thankful to those wonderful souls.
Friends became my family since then. I learnt to appreciate the fact that I wont be able to spend time with my family as often as I thought I should be. Friends became family, my primary resource and caretakers. They are the ones who took care of me when I was sick, they are the ones who organized my birthday parties, they are the one who hugged me, they are the ones who laughed and cried with me, they are the ones who gave me strength and love when I needed it.
As any good story, good things wont last much. I did move to the states and 97 and left them all there and still stay in touch with them once a while. The good memories are there to help me thru the rest of my life.
Moving to states and finding new friends it was not easy, some move, I move, its the part of the game. But they are my family, my primary support network. I can be myself and I can let my guards down, They can see me in my real elements. I spend my holidays with them, celebrate Birthdays, talk to them when I feel the blues. We exchange our medical histories, love life, or love less life stories. See movies, meet others families when they show-up. We come is so many colors, sizes, ages, genders, sexual orientations, fetishes and moods. But hey we are all humans and we get along well. Why not?
The holiday season is here and we go thru this in our own style. No one is holding grudge against each other. Even if we do, we wont tell the other person. We just live our lives and navigate thru this wire mesh of our lives and try to strike a balance. Rely on our cell phones to memorize all our lives contacts and thinking about moving to Blackberry to be more connected to the cyber world 24x7.
Thank you friends and family, happy holidays.
Showing posts with label Current Affairs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Current Affairs. Show all posts
Friday, January 26, 2007
Speakers: GLBT Asians do exist
Speakers: GLBT Asians do exist By Tom Keane (From Boston College new magazine BCheights)
I am so priviledged to be part of this panel discussions. I am posting the new article for everyone to see. :)
From the Article
"I've tried to come out to my friends in India and they deny it. They say you're not gay, you can't be gay," said Sarav Chithambaram, a software engineer and panelist at "Asians Can't Be Gay?! The Silent Struggle." The panel discussion was presented by the GLBT Leadership Council (GLC) and the Asian Caucus Thursday.
The panel featured four speakers, Sarav Chithambaram, Kristin Ming, a local engineer, and BC professors Min Hyoung Song and Ricco Siasoco. All four are of Asian descent and consider themselves members of the GLBT/Queer community.
The panel discussed the position of Asians within the larger GLBT/Queer community. The panelists and the student organizations that organized this event sought to correct the false assumption that Asians rarely deviate from a heterosexual lifestyle.
The presentation began with a short film which briefly interviewed members of the Asian and GLBT/Queer communities here at BC. In the film, BC students were asked if they knew any Asian members of the GLBT/Queer community and what their thoughts were about Asians "coming out."
The four speakers were then introduced to the audience, and each panelist spoke briefly about their experiences as Asian members of the GLBT/Queer community. After they were introduced, the panelists answered questions asked by the moderator, Myhanh Tran, president of the Asian Caucus and LSOE '07, and members of the audience.
The panelists all stated that they did not choose to be attracted to the people they are attracted to, they have always had feelings, which some might consider not "normal."
"Being gay is a part of me, but not who I am fully," said Chithambaram.
The panelists did point out that they did not believe that being members of the GLBT/Queer community was the sole defining aspect of their lives. Siasoco said, "Being gay is different in my professional and personal lives." Other panelists agreed with him on this, making it clear that they considered themselves to be much more than just members of the GLBT community.
The issue of race was discussed at length by the panel. "The gay community in the United States is not free from racism and there is tension there," said Song.
The panelists made it clear that Asians are highly visible in the GLBT/Queer community, something of a minority within a minority. While they have all become friends with Caucasian members of the GLBT/Queer community, they have experienced racism from other members of this group.
"It's nice to assume that all members of the GLBT community, having experience prejudice, are accepting," said Kristin Ming, but that is unfortunately not the case many times.
The panelists did express hope that prejudices against Asians in the GLBT/Queer community, and against the GLBT/Queer community as a whole, can be overcome. They stated that they were excited to be involved in this panel, because it created an opportunity for dialogue on this discussion.
Another major issue the panelists discussed was how members of the GLBT/Queer community are viewed by other members of Asian culture. They pointed out that this is a more complex question than many realize, due to the vast differences of culture and tradition among Asians of different nationalities. This can lead to a wide range of responses when an Asian comes out to his or her family.
Many Asians in the GLBT/Queer community believe that it is safer to come out in the United States as opposed to Asia. They believe that the environment in America is much more accepting and open than in Asia. The panelists said that idea has merit, but at the same time it might be somewhat inaccurate in how it views the opinions of homosexuality in Asia.
"In a lot of [Asian] cultures, homosexuality was well integrated," said Song.
The panel said that Western influence helped make homosexuality taboo in Asia. Chithambram pointed out that India's Kama Sutra has several chapters devoted to homosexuality and that homosexuality has a long history in that country.
Panelists pointed out that that attitude has changed, and the West has played a major role in that change. Now, Asians are rarely thought of when people consider the GLBT/Queer community. Members of the panel claimed that most people think of homosexuality as a "white thing." This has been detrimental to the establishment of a complete understanding of the GLBT/Queer community in society as a whole.
A major obstacle to increasing awareness about Asians in the GLBT/Queer community is the lack of role models for Asians in that community. They stressed the idea that Asians, as well as other minorities, are just as likely to be homosexual as whites. They hoped that events such as this could help raise awareness of Asians in the GLBT/Queer community.
They also recommended several support groups in the area, such as QAPA (Queer Asian Pacific Alliance), MASALA (Mass Area South Asian Lambda Association), and Rainbow Cambridge, for GLBT Asian students who might be searching for such groups.
I am so priviledged to be part of this panel discussions. I am posting the new article for everyone to see. :)
From the Article
"I've tried to come out to my friends in India and they deny it. They say you're not gay, you can't be gay," said Sarav Chithambaram, a software engineer and panelist at "Asians Can't Be Gay?! The Silent Struggle." The panel discussion was presented by the GLBT Leadership Council (GLC) and the Asian Caucus Thursday.
The panel featured four speakers, Sarav Chithambaram, Kristin Ming, a local engineer, and BC professors Min Hyoung Song and Ricco Siasoco. All four are of Asian descent and consider themselves members of the GLBT/Queer community.
The panel discussed the position of Asians within the larger GLBT/Queer community. The panelists and the student organizations that organized this event sought to correct the false assumption that Asians rarely deviate from a heterosexual lifestyle.
The presentation began with a short film which briefly interviewed members of the Asian and GLBT/Queer communities here at BC. In the film, BC students were asked if they knew any Asian members of the GLBT/Queer community and what their thoughts were about Asians "coming out."
The four speakers were then introduced to the audience, and each panelist spoke briefly about their experiences as Asian members of the GLBT/Queer community. After they were introduced, the panelists answered questions asked by the moderator, Myhanh Tran, president of the Asian Caucus and LSOE '07, and members of the audience.
The panelists all stated that they did not choose to be attracted to the people they are attracted to, they have always had feelings, which some might consider not "normal."
"Being gay is a part of me, but not who I am fully," said Chithambaram.
The panelists did point out that they did not believe that being members of the GLBT/Queer community was the sole defining aspect of their lives. Siasoco said, "Being gay is different in my professional and personal lives." Other panelists agreed with him on this, making it clear that they considered themselves to be much more than just members of the GLBT community.
The issue of race was discussed at length by the panel. "The gay community in the United States is not free from racism and there is tension there," said Song.
The panelists made it clear that Asians are highly visible in the GLBT/Queer community, something of a minority within a minority. While they have all become friends with Caucasian members of the GLBT/Queer community, they have experienced racism from other members of this group.
"It's nice to assume that all members of the GLBT community, having experience prejudice, are accepting," said Kristin Ming, but that is unfortunately not the case many times.
The panelists did express hope that prejudices against Asians in the GLBT/Queer community, and against the GLBT/Queer community as a whole, can be overcome. They stated that they were excited to be involved in this panel, because it created an opportunity for dialogue on this discussion.
Another major issue the panelists discussed was how members of the GLBT/Queer community are viewed by other members of Asian culture. They pointed out that this is a more complex question than many realize, due to the vast differences of culture and tradition among Asians of different nationalities. This can lead to a wide range of responses when an Asian comes out to his or her family.
Many Asians in the GLBT/Queer community believe that it is safer to come out in the United States as opposed to Asia. They believe that the environment in America is much more accepting and open than in Asia. The panelists said that idea has merit, but at the same time it might be somewhat inaccurate in how it views the opinions of homosexuality in Asia.
"In a lot of [Asian] cultures, homosexuality was well integrated," said Song.
The panel said that Western influence helped make homosexuality taboo in Asia. Chithambram pointed out that India's Kama Sutra has several chapters devoted to homosexuality and that homosexuality has a long history in that country.
Panelists pointed out that that attitude has changed, and the West has played a major role in that change. Now, Asians are rarely thought of when people consider the GLBT/Queer community. Members of the panel claimed that most people think of homosexuality as a "white thing." This has been detrimental to the establishment of a complete understanding of the GLBT/Queer community in society as a whole.
A major obstacle to increasing awareness about Asians in the GLBT/Queer community is the lack of role models for Asians in that community. They stressed the idea that Asians, as well as other minorities, are just as likely to be homosexual as whites. They hoped that events such as this could help raise awareness of Asians in the GLBT/Queer community.
They also recommended several support groups in the area, such as QAPA (Queer Asian Pacific Alliance), MASALA (Mass Area South Asian Lambda Association), and Rainbow Cambridge, for GLBT Asian students who might be searching for such groups.
Fight against AIDS my journey and yours!
Dec 1st the world aids day. This year was no different from the year before and the year before. Still no sight of any vaccine to prevent the disease or any cure. The slogan being Prevention is better than cure for next year or few years. The struggle goes on. Let us be honest and say what did we do different on this day to make a difference in the community? Did we take a stand? Are we going to do something about it? Talk about it? get tested? support the fight? get educated and equip ourselves with more information?
This is not a Gay disease or straight disease. Its a human tragedy. 40 million people currently living with the virus across the globe. Mostly in developing nations. Mothers, fathers, children, Young men, Young girls, parents, brothers, sisters, partners, husbands, wifes, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends, grand parents, colleagues, class mates the list goes on and on. They are somebody and it matters to us all. The whole new generation not knowing that they carry this virus, not seeking treatment and live a dangerous life. But when they find out, it may be too late for many. We cant develop a blind eye and be selfish, indifferent and do nothing. Its every ones fight and we have to fight this. What happens in China or India or South Africa will affect you tomorrow. It may not affect you today, but definitely it will soon.
If the world show concern for this epidemic compared to the efforts of people during holiday shopping season, we will go a long way. Compared to indifference of Churches, Synagogues, Mosques and Mandirs , imagine if they change their stand part of this fight, how much we can progress in this never ending fight? As a united force, we can achive great things. History teaches this time and again.
This fight is very personal to me. It started with finding our that one of my friend was living with AIDS when he got hospitalized suddenly. I cried all night, because of fear, compassion, not knowing anything about the disease and thought I could be me one day. This is a fear I am living with since I came out. Fortunately my ex BF was a registered nurse and he was on phone with me for hours that night and calmed me down. He gave me strength and wisdom to go seek the education I needed to equip myself and get rid of all the misconceptions I had. I was naive enough to think that I could get HIV by sharing my personal space with someone, hugging, hand shaking or kissing someone. How naive I was? How missinformed I was. This was few years ago, when I just got out of my closet and started exploring the gay world.
There is my friend, a dear friend who lost his partner to this deadly disease. Unfortunately he passed away even before I becomes friends with this friend. His pictures, belongings still around my friends place, but his memories lingers on. A few others who lead a healthy life, some who disappeared from this planet quiety and joined the angels. I didn't know them very well, but they simply disappeared from the private safe spaces which I was part off. Kept me wondering how many in the future? That makes their presence today even dearer.
I remember a close call last year, when one of my "dates" called me late in an evening and broke the news that he had tested positive. I didnt know what to say, I become numb and I couldnt respond. Somehow my life flashed before me. I haven't been with him for over a year, I know that the chances of me contracting the virus was next to impossible. I am always safe and I get tested every 6 months. Yet somehow I panicked and spend a sleepless night after pacifying him. Unknown fear, irrational thoughts took over me all night. Twisting and turning in the bed didnt work. At work the next day I was like a walking zombie, couldnt concentrate on work, meetings, I was lost in my own world. Luckily I had a blood test scheduled that day. I went for a blood test at the free clinic operated by Fenway health clinic in Boston. The test came out neg to my relief. But the irrational thoughts, the stress, the shear pain of going thru this, is huge. You have to go thru this to understand the feeling.
I don't want to spend my life going thru this constant fear. I know deep down I want to be in a monogamous, trustful relationship. But let us face it, I haven't dated anyone since I broke up with my ex partner more than 3 years ago. What are the odds of me finding the real one? What is wrong with the community in general? Being a minority within the community raises so many questions, issues and problems. Am I being racially profiled or exotified or am I just an eye sore for many or just too sensitive? Do I have to go to the gym 7 days a week to keep me in better shape to attract some shallow guy to date? Are the gay relationships based on Physical attributes only?. Sex is always good, but there is a whole world beyond satisfying your bodily urge. Deep down I am a person and I want to be happy and I want to see my friends and community happy. Most of us complain about this and lead less than perfect lives. But yet we don't know what to do about this? Do we? I have no answer. Perhaps we will find an answer soon enough to change our lives!.
I talk about this epidemic wherever and whenver I get a chance. I don't shy away talking about this. I am very mindful for the people who live with the virus. I do the AIDS walk (Annual AIDS walk organized by Aids Action Committee http://www.aac.org ) every year in Boston. On top of it, someone spread a rumor that I am positive and that why I am very passionate about fighting this disease. When I heard this, it hurt me so bad. Why would people be so mean and back stab someone like this? Even if I am positive what is their business anyway? When did someone's health becomes an issue among our peers? But does that make me be less effective in the fight? Does that make me think twice doing something related to this disease? Hell no.. I will never let someone drag me down, I will go ahead and march for the fight I believe in. I will drag my friends and family along in that fight. I will do whatever I can and try to make a difference.
This is the fight we will win eventually. It may take years and decades, but we cannot slowdown. We have to fight with full intensity and surge ahead. Damn with government policies, red tapes, bigotry, stupidty and religious beliefs. We the people are more powerful than them and all of our efforts add up to more than what we contribute as individuals.
Let us make a difference. I will try my best and I hope you will.
This is not a Gay disease or straight disease. Its a human tragedy. 40 million people currently living with the virus across the globe. Mostly in developing nations. Mothers, fathers, children, Young men, Young girls, parents, brothers, sisters, partners, husbands, wifes, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends, grand parents, colleagues, class mates the list goes on and on. They are somebody and it matters to us all. The whole new generation not knowing that they carry this virus, not seeking treatment and live a dangerous life. But when they find out, it may be too late for many. We cant develop a blind eye and be selfish, indifferent and do nothing. Its every ones fight and we have to fight this. What happens in China or India or South Africa will affect you tomorrow. It may not affect you today, but definitely it will soon.
If the world show concern for this epidemic compared to the efforts of people during holiday shopping season, we will go a long way. Compared to indifference of Churches, Synagogues, Mosques and Mandirs , imagine if they change their stand part of this fight, how much we can progress in this never ending fight? As a united force, we can achive great things. History teaches this time and again.
This fight is very personal to me. It started with finding our that one of my friend was living with AIDS when he got hospitalized suddenly. I cried all night, because of fear, compassion, not knowing anything about the disease and thought I could be me one day. This is a fear I am living with since I came out. Fortunately my ex BF was a registered nurse and he was on phone with me for hours that night and calmed me down. He gave me strength and wisdom to go seek the education I needed to equip myself and get rid of all the misconceptions I had. I was naive enough to think that I could get HIV by sharing my personal space with someone, hugging, hand shaking or kissing someone. How naive I was? How missinformed I was. This was few years ago, when I just got out of my closet and started exploring the gay world.
There is my friend, a dear friend who lost his partner to this deadly disease. Unfortunately he passed away even before I becomes friends with this friend. His pictures, belongings still around my friends place, but his memories lingers on. A few others who lead a healthy life, some who disappeared from this planet quiety and joined the angels. I didn't know them very well, but they simply disappeared from the private safe spaces which I was part off. Kept me wondering how many in the future? That makes their presence today even dearer.
I remember a close call last year, when one of my "dates" called me late in an evening and broke the news that he had tested positive. I didnt know what to say, I become numb and I couldnt respond. Somehow my life flashed before me. I haven't been with him for over a year, I know that the chances of me contracting the virus was next to impossible. I am always safe and I get tested every 6 months. Yet somehow I panicked and spend a sleepless night after pacifying him. Unknown fear, irrational thoughts took over me all night. Twisting and turning in the bed didnt work. At work the next day I was like a walking zombie, couldnt concentrate on work, meetings, I was lost in my own world. Luckily I had a blood test scheduled that day. I went for a blood test at the free clinic operated by Fenway health clinic in Boston. The test came out neg to my relief. But the irrational thoughts, the stress, the shear pain of going thru this, is huge. You have to go thru this to understand the feeling.
I don't want to spend my life going thru this constant fear. I know deep down I want to be in a monogamous, trustful relationship. But let us face it, I haven't dated anyone since I broke up with my ex partner more than 3 years ago. What are the odds of me finding the real one? What is wrong with the community in general? Being a minority within the community raises so many questions, issues and problems. Am I being racially profiled or exotified or am I just an eye sore for many or just too sensitive? Do I have to go to the gym 7 days a week to keep me in better shape to attract some shallow guy to date? Are the gay relationships based on Physical attributes only?. Sex is always good, but there is a whole world beyond satisfying your bodily urge. Deep down I am a person and I want to be happy and I want to see my friends and community happy. Most of us complain about this and lead less than perfect lives. But yet we don't know what to do about this? Do we? I have no answer. Perhaps we will find an answer soon enough to change our lives!.
I talk about this epidemic wherever and whenver I get a chance. I don't shy away talking about this. I am very mindful for the people who live with the virus. I do the AIDS walk (Annual AIDS walk organized by Aids Action Committee http://www.aac.org ) every year in Boston. On top of it, someone spread a rumor that I am positive and that why I am very passionate about fighting this disease. When I heard this, it hurt me so bad. Why would people be so mean and back stab someone like this? Even if I am positive what is their business anyway? When did someone's health becomes an issue among our peers? But does that make me be less effective in the fight? Does that make me think twice doing something related to this disease? Hell no.. I will never let someone drag me down, I will go ahead and march for the fight I believe in. I will drag my friends and family along in that fight. I will do whatever I can and try to make a difference.
This is the fight we will win eventually. It may take years and decades, but we cannot slowdown. We have to fight with full intensity and surge ahead. Damn with government policies, red tapes, bigotry, stupidty and religious beliefs. We the people are more powerful than them and all of our efforts add up to more than what we contribute as individuals.
Let us make a difference. I will try my best and I hope you will.
Boston Pride 2006
Boston pride is one of the events that I never failed to attend since I moved to Boston in 2003. Perhaps its the first event I ever attend in my whole life where I met with my fellow Queer South Asians and Asians eye to eye. Perhaps its the beginning of my second coming out, to be part of a group of people who share so much about me. We understood each other very well, we didnt explain each and everything we did. Its like an instant family. This year is no different. I always look forward for this day. Its always around my Birthday, so I always get a feeling that I did something different and enjoy my Birthday as well. As a low key person, I dint like to celebrate my birthday, but love to spend it with my friends and family. I am easily embarrassed when someone finds it out. May be its because we never celebrated Birthdays as elaborate as its done in this country. I am feel alive and thankful to add one more year to my age. I am very lucky to be alive given the circumstances and events in my life.
So this year, pride came on my birthday itself. How wonderful that can be? This year I didn't spend too much time working towards organizing the pride with other Asian queer organizations. May be its because I am not part of any of the official boards. May be its for my own good, why not enjoy the fruit of others hard-work.
As usual, MAP for health did a wonderful job in co-ordinating the Asian float along with QAPA and MASALA. Eugene Tan the ever jolly and easy going friend is the key. I am jealous of his easy to go attitude, its something I should learn from him. On the hindsight, he is right. Getting stressed out is not going to help anyone. Its better to stay focused and do the things the way it should be done. Staying focused is what we need when working with queer groups. Did I fail to mention opinions, attitudes and you never do things right of few in the community which really drags everyone down. I have seen that happening again and again, but again its part of life. Everyone has an agenda and we have to live with that. That's part of the charm of our collective I guess.
There were so many of the float building parties this year. I was unable to attend any of them. Finally I managed to attend the last one the day before pride.
When I arrived at our designated location near Copley on the pride day, the weather wasn't that good. It was raining all day and the forecast said its going to rain during the pride. While walking from the T station towards our designated location, I could see that the rain didn't dampen the pride spirits. I saw people in wonderful costumes, friends cheering for each other, hugging, handsome police officers standing on street corners and just scanning the crowd. Its a festive atmosphere at the best. Who said Pride is a corporate sellout? Isn't it an opportunity for us to be who we are in public and have fun? Shame with all the prejudices and reservations against the community. Its our collective responsibility to show our face to the community and let the Right wing know our presence. We do come in different colors, heights, genders and configurations. Accept us for who we are and keep your opinion to yourself, because we dint need it.
Finally after a short walk, I arrived at the destination. First person I ran into was my dear Suriya. Met with Shri, Jacob, Amit, Johnny, Eugene, Mimi, Diana, Partha, Tauheed, Maria and others.. All of them were involved in giving the float final touches. We started the generator and music was on. so is the pride. The rain was coming down heavily at that point. We huddled under Hotel Lonox's foot steps.
Banners cameout, beads, flags and many more. We started decorating ourselves as well. We posed for some pictures. We finally started waking in the pride parade. We followed the float. Some carrying banners braving the winds, some distributing safe sex packets MAP put together, some distributing beads. Some were greedy to keep the beads for themselves :), I dont blame them, it was adding color to the festivities.
At the beginning of the parade, I was covering my head with my jacket hood. At some point, I took it off. I let the rain drops drench myself. Everydrop of the rain, felt liberating, made me sensual, made me aware of the day, made me aware of the others walking by. I didnt feel like covering myself again, I wanted to be visible, I wanted poeple on the sidewalks to see me clearly, I want people to understand that Asians can be gay as well. We come in different sizes, shapes and colors. We may not look alike, or talk alike, but we are from the same region. Our roots are from that contient called Asia. Whether we like it or not, its true. Some call me South Asian here, but I am an Asian guy. Thats how I look at it. There is no looking back.
The rains, the winds didnt make our life easier during the parade, but sheer will power got us thru. All along the pride route, it was very joyful to see the cheering crowd. Most of them braved the rains and cheering us from the sidelines. Thats the moment of celebrating who we are. Thats the moment to celebrate our friends, family and the community. No we are not corporate sell-outs or freaks or showoffs. We are people, we elect to participate in an event to showcase our community. We participate in the way that makes sense to us. Its our day in the limelight, under the public eyes, we elect to be behave the way we wanted, there is no holding back. Its time for euphoria, fun and festivities. Its time to educate the community that Asians can be gay. We are part of the community, no-one can deny that fact. Down with the bigotry, racism and indifference from outside and inside of the gay community. We are all united based on our sexuality and dont let anything else further divide the community. Let all the sexists, agists, racists and classists get a reality check. We dont need them, we have enough friends and community who are not that narrow minded. We will surge ahead in making progress and hormony in the community.
I remember Ajith telling me how he felt that the spectators reminded him of the past and the present, I cannot deny that observation. I felt that it was my past, present and the future. Yes indeed, its my present and the future as well. All along the parade, I saw many familiar faces. Perhaps from the dating sites, from the community chat rooms, my friends, my community work connections, out reach workers etc etc. I did give hugs to a few of them whether they squirmed of getting wet or didnt mind getting wet. Why not.. they are my family here and no one is as closer than them in reality.
After a few hours of battling the elements we arrived at Boston commons. Wet, tired, cold and hungry. We decided to end the parade by having a late lunch at Penang the Malaysian restaurant in China town. We all walked another mile to stay warm and get a chance to get dry. The pride comes to an end.
Till the next parade, these memories will get us thru.
So this year, pride came on my birthday itself. How wonderful that can be? This year I didn't spend too much time working towards organizing the pride with other Asian queer organizations. May be its because I am not part of any of the official boards. May be its for my own good, why not enjoy the fruit of others hard-work.
As usual, MAP for health did a wonderful job in co-ordinating the Asian float along with QAPA and MASALA. Eugene Tan the ever jolly and easy going friend is the key. I am jealous of his easy to go attitude, its something I should learn from him. On the hindsight, he is right. Getting stressed out is not going to help anyone. Its better to stay focused and do the things the way it should be done. Staying focused is what we need when working with queer groups. Did I fail to mention opinions, attitudes and you never do things right of few in the community which really drags everyone down. I have seen that happening again and again, but again its part of life. Everyone has an agenda and we have to live with that. That's part of the charm of our collective I guess.
There were so many of the float building parties this year. I was unable to attend any of them. Finally I managed to attend the last one the day before pride.
When I arrived at our designated location near Copley on the pride day, the weather wasn't that good. It was raining all day and the forecast said its going to rain during the pride. While walking from the T station towards our designated location, I could see that the rain didn't dampen the pride spirits. I saw people in wonderful costumes, friends cheering for each other, hugging, handsome police officers standing on street corners and just scanning the crowd. Its a festive atmosphere at the best. Who said Pride is a corporate sellout? Isn't it an opportunity for us to be who we are in public and have fun? Shame with all the prejudices and reservations against the community. Its our collective responsibility to show our face to the community and let the Right wing know our presence. We do come in different colors, heights, genders and configurations. Accept us for who we are and keep your opinion to yourself, because we dint need it.
Finally after a short walk, I arrived at the destination. First person I ran into was my dear Suriya. Met with Shri, Jacob, Amit, Johnny, Eugene, Mimi, Diana, Partha, Tauheed, Maria and others.. All of them were involved in giving the float final touches. We started the generator and music was on. so is the pride. The rain was coming down heavily at that point. We huddled under Hotel Lonox's foot steps.
Banners cameout, beads, flags and many more. We started decorating ourselves as well. We posed for some pictures. We finally started waking in the pride parade. We followed the float. Some carrying banners braving the winds, some distributing safe sex packets MAP put together, some distributing beads. Some were greedy to keep the beads for themselves :), I dont blame them, it was adding color to the festivities.
At the beginning of the parade, I was covering my head with my jacket hood. At some point, I took it off. I let the rain drops drench myself. Everydrop of the rain, felt liberating, made me sensual, made me aware of the day, made me aware of the others walking by. I didnt feel like covering myself again, I wanted to be visible, I wanted poeple on the sidewalks to see me clearly, I want people to understand that Asians can be gay as well. We come in different sizes, shapes and colors. We may not look alike, or talk alike, but we are from the same region. Our roots are from that contient called Asia. Whether we like it or not, its true. Some call me South Asian here, but I am an Asian guy. Thats how I look at it. There is no looking back.
The rains, the winds didnt make our life easier during the parade, but sheer will power got us thru. All along the pride route, it was very joyful to see the cheering crowd. Most of them braved the rains and cheering us from the sidelines. Thats the moment of celebrating who we are. Thats the moment to celebrate our friends, family and the community. No we are not corporate sell-outs or freaks or showoffs. We are people, we elect to participate in an event to showcase our community. We participate in the way that makes sense to us. Its our day in the limelight, under the public eyes, we elect to be behave the way we wanted, there is no holding back. Its time for euphoria, fun and festivities. Its time to educate the community that Asians can be gay. We are part of the community, no-one can deny that fact. Down with the bigotry, racism and indifference from outside and inside of the gay community. We are all united based on our sexuality and dont let anything else further divide the community. Let all the sexists, agists, racists and classists get a reality check. We dont need them, we have enough friends and community who are not that narrow minded. We will surge ahead in making progress and hormony in the community.
I remember Ajith telling me how he felt that the spectators reminded him of the past and the present, I cannot deny that observation. I felt that it was my past, present and the future. Yes indeed, its my present and the future as well. All along the parade, I saw many familiar faces. Perhaps from the dating sites, from the community chat rooms, my friends, my community work connections, out reach workers etc etc. I did give hugs to a few of them whether they squirmed of getting wet or didnt mind getting wet. Why not.. they are my family here and no one is as closer than them in reality.
After a few hours of battling the elements we arrived at Boston commons. Wet, tired, cold and hungry. We decided to end the parade by having a late lunch at Penang the Malaysian restaurant in China town. We all walked another mile to stay warm and get a chance to get dry. The pride comes to an end.
Till the next parade, these memories will get us thru.
My first easter celebrations
Every year Easter, passover and other holidays comes and go. An occasional wishes in my email account or some wonderful cards. Some times I don't even notice that these days come and gone. This is one of cultural and religious thing that you wont get it when you live as a transplant. No matter how long you live in that situation, its still foreign to you. I hope one of these days I will live longer in this step-mother lather and will get used to it. Perhaps I may become one of the local Yankees. Wish me luck in that department.
This year it turned out to be a different one. Few months back I saw this ad on Craig's list looking for Volunteers for Little brothers organization. The ad asked for volunteer application for socializing with elders in Boston area. I thought it was a cool opportunity and fired and email. Promptly I got an email from the organization with an attachment. As usual the hotmail service delivered it to the bulk email and I forgot to move it and it was deleted in a day or two. Few weeks passed before I remembered. I wrote back to inquire whether they are still looking for Volunteers and the email came back quickly with the application form.
I filled in the form and faxed it over the next day. Part of the screening process, my background was screened. Everything went thru and I was invited for a orientation program at Little Brothers office in Jamaica Plain.
The orientation program was very informal, met Mindy Newman the Volunteer coordinator. She went over the mission of the organization and how they organization serve Elders 70 and above in the Boston area. Most of the elders live alone, limited income and they are lonely. This is what capitalism does to the society. The constant independent ME ME ME attitude leaves a lot of people alone. Does the society really care for the elders, yes it does. But we don't have any time for them. Visiting them once in 3 months or taking them out for dinner on a holiday is not enough. We need to make sure that we are part of their lives. Its very easy to say and done I guess. I came to know that Little Brothers organization does a food drive on Easter day. Volunteers distribute hot meals to elders and spend some time with them. I signed up for that program and looked forward for Apr 16th.
The day came with a bang. What a weekend. I spend the Sat filled with meditation class, wonderful cooking class and a party at a dear friends place. I was all ready, rested, energetic, scrubbed clean, dressed well and left for the Northeastern University cafeteria so that I can be there by 10am. The day was wonderful, sunny, warm, windy and the spring weather was great. I enjoyed the short ride from my home to North Eastern university. Spring colors were everywhere. Somehow the people got into that mood and they looked very cheerful on the streets. As usual, finding my way to the location and finding parking was bit of a challenge, but hey it wasn't bad after all. Once I found the right street, the cafeteria was easy to find by the colorful balloons and some cheerful volunteers were there answering our questions.
The cafeteria was brimming with lots of activities. People from every walk of life were there. Individuals, families, community groups, etc etc. I registered myself and underwent a quick orientation program. After the brief program I head to the section where I was supposed to choose the elders. I picked up Brighton for no reason and I was assigned two elders. Both of them women, both of them spoke English and Russian. I picked up the meals, flowers and some wonderful gift packet from Girl scouts and headed to Brighton.
I used to live in Brighton so finding my way to finding the elders was not that difficult. After a quick drive, I was there looking at the housing complex. I have driven thru that corner 100's of times and never realized that the building was a housing complex. Thought it was a condo complex. I was bit nervous wasn't sure how the situation will be. My first biggest fear was not able to get their trust and not able to give them the meal I bought. The second fear was not been able to converse with them. Let us face it, English is not my native tongue either and that was giving me some hardtimes. Well, nothing to loose, just with the hot meals in tow I arrived at the location. I was lucky that both the Women lived in the same building.
I had a wonderful time visiting the two women. They were very happy to receive me and enjoyed my company very much. In spite of some the barriers like language, cultural etc we connected at the human level. Once we did that, we perfectly understood each other. All my doubts went away. Well I am waiting to learn Russian in couple of months from one of the ladies and the other one wanted me to get married to a nice girl and have min of 2 kids.
(Leaving most of the details out for privacy reasons).
At the end of the day, it left me wondering about the next holiday.
This year it turned out to be a different one. Few months back I saw this ad on Craig's list looking for Volunteers for Little brothers organization. The ad asked for volunteer application for socializing with elders in Boston area. I thought it was a cool opportunity and fired and email. Promptly I got an email from the organization with an attachment. As usual the hotmail service delivered it to the bulk email and I forgot to move it and it was deleted in a day or two. Few weeks passed before I remembered. I wrote back to inquire whether they are still looking for Volunteers and the email came back quickly with the application form.
I filled in the form and faxed it over the next day. Part of the screening process, my background was screened. Everything went thru and I was invited for a orientation program at Little Brothers office in Jamaica Plain.
The orientation program was very informal, met Mindy Newman the Volunteer coordinator. She went over the mission of the organization and how they organization serve Elders 70 and above in the Boston area. Most of the elders live alone, limited income and they are lonely. This is what capitalism does to the society. The constant independent ME ME ME attitude leaves a lot of people alone. Does the society really care for the elders, yes it does. But we don't have any time for them. Visiting them once in 3 months or taking them out for dinner on a holiday is not enough. We need to make sure that we are part of their lives. Its very easy to say and done I guess. I came to know that Little Brothers organization does a food drive on Easter day. Volunteers distribute hot meals to elders and spend some time with them. I signed up for that program and looked forward for Apr 16th.
The day came with a bang. What a weekend. I spend the Sat filled with meditation class, wonderful cooking class and a party at a dear friends place. I was all ready, rested, energetic, scrubbed clean, dressed well and left for the Northeastern University cafeteria so that I can be there by 10am. The day was wonderful, sunny, warm, windy and the spring weather was great. I enjoyed the short ride from my home to North Eastern university. Spring colors were everywhere. Somehow the people got into that mood and they looked very cheerful on the streets. As usual, finding my way to the location and finding parking was bit of a challenge, but hey it wasn't bad after all. Once I found the right street, the cafeteria was easy to find by the colorful balloons and some cheerful volunteers were there answering our questions.
The cafeteria was brimming with lots of activities. People from every walk of life were there. Individuals, families, community groups, etc etc. I registered myself and underwent a quick orientation program. After the brief program I head to the section where I was supposed to choose the elders. I picked up Brighton for no reason and I was assigned two elders. Both of them women, both of them spoke English and Russian. I picked up the meals, flowers and some wonderful gift packet from Girl scouts and headed to Brighton.
I used to live in Brighton so finding my way to finding the elders was not that difficult. After a quick drive, I was there looking at the housing complex. I have driven thru that corner 100's of times and never realized that the building was a housing complex. Thought it was a condo complex. I was bit nervous wasn't sure how the situation will be. My first biggest fear was not able to get their trust and not able to give them the meal I bought. The second fear was not been able to converse with them. Let us face it, English is not my native tongue either and that was giving me some hardtimes. Well, nothing to loose, just with the hot meals in tow I arrived at the location. I was lucky that both the Women lived in the same building.
I had a wonderful time visiting the two women. They were very happy to receive me and enjoyed my company very much. In spite of some the barriers like language, cultural etc we connected at the human level. Once we did that, we perfectly understood each other. All my doubts went away. Well I am waiting to learn Russian in couple of months from one of the ladies and the other one wanted me to get married to a nice girl and have min of 2 kids.
(Leaving most of the details out for privacy reasons).
At the end of the day, it left me wondering about the next holiday.
SINGLE GAY MEN WHO ARE OVER IT! » Call it attitude or insecurity or Moronic or Normal
I moved to Boston in 2003. Living in a big city was always my dream, but again I had too many hopes for Boston. The dating scene in Boston is kinda lame. Same 10 guys in different dating sites, different "I am soooo good.. I am looking for Mr. Right", what they forgot is "I am soooo good and horny and I am looking for Mr. Right now". Just couple of words here and there, that makes the whole lot of difference.. doesn't it? Some of them should realize the meaning of what slim/slender/athletic means... Especially humping in bed doesn't make you athletic and melt all those extra pounds from Cheese cake away.
Where was I? Oh yes, seem them in gay scene (few bars and clubs, too few, small for a big city life), they are all well dressed, groomed and look very friends. I warn you, don't say hello, they may look at you as if you are from a different planet. (May be they think I am from a different planet, it's a different story.. I am not going there for now). And you are there with a friend or two and pretending to be having a very deep intellectual conversation, you will sense that someone is staring at you. You turn to that direction and if you are quick enough you may catch the head of the cat turning back... Even if you make an eye contact, they will be so quick to look else where and make you feel you are a piece of ****..
The most intriguing conversation anyone may have with a stranger in the settings is "Excuse me.. " if they are considerate enough after spilling drink or squeezing between you and your friend to move to another area.
You see the same guys in person in pubic right.. most of them must have aged overnight by 5 - 10 years. What is wrong? and all the freaking attitude they have... I am so privileged and I am so beautiful? who cares.... ignore them..
Suddenly some old guy will be standing besides you.. accidentally their body will brush against your and/or they may even be kind enough to hold a conversation with you. The same deep intellectual conversation.. it goes like this
1. Stranger: Where are you from?
Me: Er.. Boston...
Stranger: Where are you really from?
Me: ..................
2. Stranger: Are you a student?
3. Stranger: Are you a Professional?
4. Stranger: Are you single?
5. Stranger: I once knew a Indian guy. He used to be a cashier at the corner store....
6. Stranger: Can I have your number please? Meet for coffee..
Me: Er.. I am sorry.. I don't drink coffee.. I quit 5 mins ago and I am so broke.. don't have a phone..
Well, you go home wondering what the hell is wrong with you people( including yourself).. and browse the Internet for few more hours.. (He he.. ). As usual emails from Dimitry the 25 old lover from Russia looking for overseas love.. or some guy from some part of the world looking for a husband.. (Where is my sugar daddy.. get me my private jet)..
And go to the usual hookup sites.. there they are.. all of them.. Much younger, with pretty pictures and pretty angles and pretty profiles.. Your Doctors, tax man, physical trainers, friends, councilors, professors, bartenders, dancers... there they are.. they all proclaim that they are the studs and world best lovers next to Romeo and they are all looking Mr. Right now.. What do you do.. do the obvious and the search goes on..
Back to the corner and it goes again..
Where was I? Oh yes, seem them in gay scene (few bars and clubs, too few, small for a big city life), they are all well dressed, groomed and look very friends. I warn you, don't say hello, they may look at you as if you are from a different planet. (May be they think I am from a different planet, it's a different story.. I am not going there for now). And you are there with a friend or two and pretending to be having a very deep intellectual conversation, you will sense that someone is staring at you. You turn to that direction and if you are quick enough you may catch the head of the cat turning back... Even if you make an eye contact, they will be so quick to look else where and make you feel you are a piece of ****..
The most intriguing conversation anyone may have with a stranger in the settings is "Excuse me.. " if they are considerate enough after spilling drink or squeezing between you and your friend to move to another area.
You see the same guys in person in pubic right.. most of them must have aged overnight by 5 - 10 years. What is wrong? and all the freaking attitude they have... I am so privileged and I am so beautiful? who cares.... ignore them..
Suddenly some old guy will be standing besides you.. accidentally their body will brush against your and/or they may even be kind enough to hold a conversation with you. The same deep intellectual conversation.. it goes like this
1. Stranger: Where are you from?
Me: Er.. Boston...
Stranger: Where are you really from?
Me: ..................
2. Stranger: Are you a student?
3. Stranger: Are you a Professional?
4. Stranger: Are you single?
5. Stranger: I once knew a Indian guy. He used to be a cashier at the corner store....
6. Stranger: Can I have your number please? Meet for coffee..
Me: Er.. I am sorry.. I don't drink coffee.. I quit 5 mins ago and I am so broke.. don't have a phone..
Well, you go home wondering what the hell is wrong with you people( including yourself).. and browse the Internet for few more hours.. (He he.. ). As usual emails from Dimitry the 25 old lover from Russia looking for overseas love.. or some guy from some part of the world looking for a husband.. (Where is my sugar daddy.. get me my private jet)..
And go to the usual hookup sites.. there they are.. all of them.. Much younger, with pretty pictures and pretty angles and pretty profiles.. Your Doctors, tax man, physical trainers, friends, councilors, professors, bartenders, dancers... there they are.. they all proclaim that they are the studs and world best lovers next to Romeo and they are all looking Mr. Right now.. What do you do.. do the obvious and the search goes on..
Back to the corner and it goes again..
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